Links to spanking (and a few non-spanking) sites I like

November 2007

Table of Contents
Introduction
Spanking Blogs and Web Sites
Spanking Blogs by People Involved in the Spanking Erotica Industry
Female Top/Male Bottom Spanking blogs
Blogs with Slow Update
Spanking Story Web Sites
Spanking Stories for Fun and Profit
Spanking Community Sites
Sex, Spanking or Erotica Web sites
Dominatrixes and Courtesans with Blogs
Play Spaces and S&M Sex Workers (in the Bay Area)
S&M Sex Workers (outside of the Bay Area, but in California)
Erotic Photography
Panties to wear for a spanking
Tools for Warming Bare Bottoms
Things to think about before buying a paddle
Graveyard of Dead or Dying Spanking and Sex Related Sites

Introduction

This web page is a sub-page of my erotic spanking stories site, Wintermute's Spanking Stories. The page started out as a small annotated listing of adult spanking related blogs and web sites that I look at frequently. The number of wonderful spanking related blogs and web sites has grown now to the point where I can no longer read them all. These wonderful blogs are an example of how the Web supports expression and creativity. I have to "discipline" myself (which is never as fun as having someone else do the "disciplining"), since the time I tend to spend reading and responding to these sites is getting in the way of other projects (like writing more spanking stories).

This list was even larger because originally I only had sites that were involved with adult spanking. Without planning it, this list has grown to include other sex and sexuality related sites. I've even added a list of web sites where you can get spanking toys (and a comment on what to look for in a spanking toy vendor).

What I find fascinating about this list of web page links is that the vast majority are written by women. Most of these women are bottoms (e.g., they get spanked, in contrast to tops who give spankings). These sites also reinforce something that I've believed for many years: women write the best erotica.

Write a good blog is a real art. In most cases our lives are not terribly interesting. At least in my case my life consists of going to work, coming home and eating dinner, working on software, reading some of the spanking blogs, perhaps working on a spanking story, reading a book, going to bed, geting up, going to work... Perhaps some snuggle-bunnies thrown in, if I'm lucky a few spankings here and there. You're probably bored just reading the summary I've given here.

Good blog writers are keen observers and good short essayists. Sure they write about their hot spanking sex. But they also write interestingly about the things they observe around them (their relationships, work, past experiences). A good essayist can write about almost anything and make it interesting. I think of the writer John McPhee as the classic example of such a writer. Many of the bloggers linked to here have some measure of McPhee's skill (McPhee has few equals, even among professional writers).

The opposite is a blog that starts with something like "Feeling: bored" and continues with a rambling account of their mother's stubbornness and foibles. The vast majority of blogs are like this, on-line diaries of people's ramblings about their day-to-day lives and thoughts. If you spend several hours every day watching television "Reality Shows", you're just not going to have very interesting thoughts.

If you find your site in this list, please don't take the ordering to heart. All the sites I've listed here are sites that I like. The ordering is really pretty arbitrary.

The blogs listed here are either heterosexual or lesbian. As a sexual spanking fetishist, I don't fit into the majority when it comes to my sexuality. I have always felt a kinship with gay men because of this. But the blogs and web pages listed here are those that reflect my sexual tastes and my tastes don't run to men. The lesbian blogs are here because, like these woman, I am a lesbian (I just happen to have a penis). So far I have not run into any gay spanking blogs, but I know that there is an active community of gay spankos. I find it strange that I have not seen links to gay spanking blogs, so perhaps the gay spanking community is disjoint from the heterosexual and lesbian spanking community (perhaps a topic for a social networking research paper).

There are some types of spanking blogs and web sites that are not included here. I will not include links to the "Christian" slanted "Domestic Discipline" (DD) sites. I support people's right to make what ever choices work for them. This said, the Christian DD stuff makes my skin crawl. The basic premise of Christian DD seems to be that the Bible says that women are supposed to obey their husbands and if they disobey they get spanked. The home page of one Christian Domestic Discipline site includes the paragraph:

Though we believe the Bible gives a husband the authority to use spanking as one tool in enforcing his authority in the home with or without his wife's permission, in today's world we recognize the legality that mandates that all CDD must be consensual. Therefore we will do not condone nonconsensual CDD as a rule.
Greta Christina, who wrote the fantastic novella Bending pointed to the above quote on her Blowfish Blog entry Christian Spanking Porn

It is one thing for someone (male or female) to decide that they will obey and agree that disobedience will result in a punishment spanking. Here a choice is freely made. It is a very different thing to say that because of someone's gender they will be treated like a child and given a punishment spanking when they do not obey because this is what the Bible says. The DD lifestyle also seems heavily based on religious and political views that I find abhorrent (e.g., "Christian Right" Republicans who support G.W. Bush, the worst president in the history of the United States).

Spanking Blogs and Web Sites

Spanking Blogs by People Involved in Spanking Erotica

I have been enjoying the spanking blogs written by people who work in the spanking erotica industry (spanking videos and photographs). The women who write the blogs below are all enthusiastic spankos. They are beautiful, articulate and can take a good hard spanking. Obviously Wintermute's kind of women.

I found the film The Notorious Bettie Page extremely depressing. Bettie Page was a fetish model, in the late 1950s and 1960s. Bettie was born in Nashville, Tennessee in 1923. She graduated number two in her class in High School and won a scholarship to a teacher's college. However, she hated teaching and became a model. What The Notorious Bettie Page strongly reminded me of is how few options an intelligent woman had until recently. In most cases those options consisted of being a wife, working in a support job like nursing or secretarial work, being a teacher or sex work. If you were a beautiful woman, as Bettie Page was, sex work might have been one of the better paying alternatives.

As far as I'm concerned, feminism is about freedom to make choices (among other things, like equal pay and non-discrimination). I have never bought into the claim that porn exploits women. After seeing The Notorius Betty Page I'd add a caveat. Porn and sex work does not exploit women if, women as a group, have other options that pay well. That is, if this work is a choice among other options.

I don't pay much attention to anything but spanking erotica/porn. What I like about many of the companies that make spanking erotica is that the people who make these films (both bottoms and tops) are spankos and they like their work.

Female Top/Male Bottom Spanking blogs

Female tops in romantic spanking relationships are relatively rare. As more spanking blogs come on line, a few F/M spanking blogs have appeared. A woman who gets wet giving the man in her life a good hard spanking is a rare and precious thing.

Most of the spanking oriented blogs are male top, female bottom. Sites that deal with women lovingly spanking their partners are rare. The two sites below have "gone dark" in the sense that their authors are not updating them. However, both sites have such a nice picture of loving (but strict) women spanking their men that I did not want to move them to the "graveyard of dead blogs" at the end of the page.

Blogs with Slow Update

There is a famous Monty Python sketch about a dead Parrot. The pet shop owner insists that the Parrot is merely resting and not actually dead. At times that seems to be the case with some of the blogs listed below. But as far as I know, they're still alive, they're posting is just really slow.

By the way, I should note that I'm not exactly fast when it comes to posting new spanking stories, so no offense is intended. Life is busy and there never seems to be enough time or energy for all of the things we would like to do.

Spanking Story Web Sites

I realize that this is a far from complete list of spanking story sites. I've just included some of my favorites, but there are many more.

Spanking Stories for Fun and Profit

I've never tried to make money from my stories and with all of the wonderful free material I'm skeptical if there is much of a market when it comes to web publications. But I did run into a brief web page about writing commercial spanking erotic: Katy Terraga's Resources for Sex Writers: Writing and Marketing the Spanking Story by Danielle Smith

Spanking Community Sites

Sex, Spanking or Erotica Web sites

Dominatrixes and Courtesans with Blogs

Dominatrixes and courtesans are both sex workers whose success depends on being able to understand their client's fantasies and play a role. One obvious difference is that courtesans provide overt sex, which dominatrixes rarely do. Courtesans usual fulfill the role of a temporary lover and companion. Dominatrixes fulfill many roles: mother, teacher, nanny, bitch and cruel ice queen, among others. Both dominatrixes and courtesans have to be intelligent to prosper in their line of work. Not everyone who is intelligent can write well, but these women can.

Since humans have possessed a thin veneer of civilization, courtesans have been sought out by men of power and wealth. This was true in classical Athens, in Rome (though many ages) and in the renaissance era. The allure of courtesans for powerful, wealthy men has been their intellect and conversation as much as their beauty and sexuality. What separates courtesans of the modern era from the courtesans of the renaissance is that modern courtesans have Internet "blogs". As one might expect, these intellectual sex workers write exceptionally well.

These courtesans (or, as they are sometimes referred to, Call Girls) are not sex workers because they are emotionally damaged, addicted to drugs or forced into sexual servitude by vicious oppressive pimps. These are women who have chosen sex work because it pays extremely well and they like the work.

Many blogs die in trivia. I never read those blogs that have something like "Mood today: tired". Writing an interesting blog is not easy. It takes a mind for detal and the talent to write about it. A successful courtesan cannot be boring and self absorbed and these blogs reflect this.

Play Spaces and S&M Sex Workers (in the Bay Area)

The most common complaint of people who have a kinky sexual obsession, like spanking, is that their partner does not share the obsession. Finding a wonderful person that you love with all your heart and who also shares your sexual obsession so difficult that such a match is almost like winning the lottery.

If you are a woman, with some patience and care, you can pretty much find what ever you want when it comes to erotic or sexual activity. This is not true for men. If you are a married man and a spanking top, it can be very difficult to find a spanking friend. The situation is even more difficult if you are a male spanking bottom. Most of the women in the spanking community are spanking bottoms and are not interested in topping.

For many men one of the few options is a professional Domme (a woman top) or a professional submissive. These sessions do not involve explicit sex (or touching of the other person's genitals). The vast majority of the women who do this work play with spanking or BDSM in their private lives. They are getting paid to do what they like. You should treat them like any other professional (a lawyer, doctor or massage therapist). You should also be totally honest about your level of experience.

If you visit Fantasy Makers or The Gates, or one of the other places places listed below, you should be discrete. Many of them are located in residential neighborhoods and it is not appropriate to wear outrageous dress or carry spanking or BDSM toys openly.

In the United States there are lots of professional Domme's (women tops) and relatively few professional submissives. Some professional submissives do only bondage scenes, and there seem to be even fewer who like to be spanked.

The fact that a link is listed here does not constitute an endorsement. In the majority of cases I do not have any direct experience with these power exchange providers or play spaces.

Collectives

Independents

This section lists independents in the Bay Area. These women all switch (I'm a top, so in general I'm not interested in women who are just Dommes). There seems to be more demand for female tops, so these web sites tend to emphasize this part of their services. As this short list demonstrates, there are few professional submissives (or switches) compared to pro-Dommes.

The links below are found links. These links are provided for informational purposes only. Please note that I am not providing any recommendation. Other than what I can read on the linked web pages, I have no knowledge of the services provided.

Play Spaces

Guides to Independent Sex Workers (in the Bay Area and elsewhere)

S&M Sex Workers (Outside of the Bay Area, but in California)

Erotic Photography

Panties to wear for a spanking

I think that one's taste in lingerie is influenced by the styles that were popular when you grew up. I love to see a shapely bottom in sheer or lace string bikini panties. Lingerie is a product that lends itself well to sale from a web site. So there are lots of great sites where you can buy lingerie, like Bare Necessities. I've listed a few sites here that you might not have otherwise found.

Tools for Warming Bare Bottoms

Things to think about before buying a paddle

I recommend knowing who you're buying from.

I have purchased more than one spanking implement from many of the vendors listed above. In all cases these are well crafted spanking implements, made for and by people who do adult spanking.

Most of the people who craft paddle are crafting them for use on adult bottoms. In most cases, when you look at the Web pages of a spanking implement vendor there is no question about what the paddles are for: spanking adult bottoms. Very few people who sell spanking implements would sell to anyone who they knew were going to use the implement on a child. This is true of all of the links above.

Although I have a large spanking implement collection, I always want more. In my travels around the Web looking at sites that sell spanking paddles I've only found one site that really set me on edge. This site sells wooden paddles, leather paddles, a riding crop, and a few floggers. But what caught my attention was their laser engraved paddles. They sell a paddle with the following engraving:

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him wih the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. Proverbs 23:13-14

I know that some people have spanking fantasies involving nuns with rulers (OK, it does sound sort of sexy, especially if the "nun" were wearning only stockings, a garter belt and sheer bikini panties beneath her habit). Spank me hard Sister, for I have sinned!

I think that it is only fair to ask someone whether your assumptions are true. The vendor at this site wrote, in response to my question, that the paddles they sold were for "novelty" purposes only. I find this a disingenuous answer. They pointed out that they can't control how a paddle is used once they sell it. And indeed they cannot. In response to a second email, they wrote:

The paddle you are referring to with the laser engraving of the religious phrase was a custom order. The customer had a thing for school type spanking and wanted it for their collection. It is not a paddle we offer for sale and is only there as an example of how much can be engraved on a paddle. Only one paddle was made that I am aware of. 90% of the laser engraved paddles are made as gifts and or joke items.

So with this knowledge it would seem unfair to jump to the conclusion that this paddle vendor is a "Christian" right, MoFo Republican nest of supporters of child abuse. But since there are fine paddle craftspeople who are also spanking fetishists, why not buy from them rather than someone who sells paddles for "novelty" purposes.

So know your vendor and buy from spanking (S/M, D/s) fetishists! They field test their products.

Graveyard of Dead or Dying Spanking and Sex Related Sites

The web pages or blogs listed below have died out or been removed from the Web. When a site is not updated for months, it gets moved here too. Sometimes these sites come back from the dead.

With all of the free "blogging" software out there it is very easy to start a blog and discuss an obsession like adult spanking. Often, after a promising start, the blog simply loses interst for the author. Some people feel like they have written all they have to write on what is, after all, a rather narrow topic (e.g., an obsession with adult spanking).

Olympia, who writes the Postmodern Courtesan blog points out that an author can quickly exhaust the possibilities of sexual description. At least with heterosexual sex there is a cock, a pussy, a couple of other orifices. The variations are not unlimited. I think that spanking has a bit more range, since spanking includes sex and much else beside (all of those little games with naughty school girls, nannies and their naughty boys). But eventually descriptions of spanking reach a limit in their possibilities too.

Successful bloggers who write about sex write about much more than sex. The descriptions of sex and spanking are a thrill, especially for those of us who have an almost limitless obsession with spanking. What is always new and different are the stories people tell about their lives and their relationships. In the end, people's stories are more fascinating than sex (or even spanking).

The self-exposure needed to keep a blog interesting to the author and their readers can be problematic. I've toyed with the idea of putting up "Wintermute's Spanking Blog". The attraction would be to write a warts an all diary of the sensual side of my life. But the whole idea of publishing such an intimate account on the World Wide Web is a rather odd one ("I know, I'll share the most intimate details of my life with my 2-billion closest friends). There is also the danger that a connection between blog to the "other me" would be forged (this has happened to people countless times). Such a connection could hurt those close to you or have unpleasant professional ramifications. In writing about why she shut down her blog I'll Beg, Kasey writes:

I can't talk about my vanilla life -- I have a job that would fire me in an instant for writing "porn." It is in education and has a religious affiliation -- so any 'hints' of reality would be to risky.

While I would not be overjoyed to have my spanking stories connected to the other facets of my public life, I could live with it if it happened. However, a sufficiently honest blog could wreck proportionally more havoc.


Wintermute
Last modified: Wed Jul 26 21:37:16 PDT 2006